THE TOP FIVE BLUNT TRUTHS ABOUT MOVING FORWARD DESPITE FEAR
Have you ever let the fear of failing or worrying about what others might think stop you from doing something you wanted? Fear—no matter what form it takes—is the biggest reason people hold back in their careers, relationships, and lives.
To experience deep, meaningful fulfillment, you have to push past fear to take scary chances, make unpopular choices, risk making mistakes, and speak the truths others won’t. You have to color outside the lines to create your own masterpiece. You have to choose courage.
I've spent my life choosing courage, and along the way, I've learned some tough lessons. Here are my top five blunt truths you need to accept in order to take action despite fear.
Recognize That Some People Want to See You Fail
Brutal, I know—but it’s true. Not everyone, but many prefer that you stay in line with the societal norms and expectations they’ve latched onto and that you don’t try anything new or bold. Why? Because it validates their choices and makes their own path easier. If you conform, they don’t have to question their own authenticity, inabilities, or suffocated ambitions.
I could dedicate an entire blog to the countless reasons people don’t like to see others succeed—including, at times, even their own family and friends. But for now, just get comfortably acquainted with the reality that not everyone wants you to succeed. The sooner you become comfortable with this, the sooner you'll move through life transitions with greater ease and confidence.
Your worth and value do not depend on what others think, say, or feel about you. Don’t let external noise throw off your rhythm. Dance to the beat of your own drum.
Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
One cold Ohio winter night, my heat was out, and the temperature in my house dropped to an uncomfortable level. I called my dad, who lived nearby, to see if he could help me troubleshoot the problem. His response: “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.”
It was hard to hear at that moment, but that statement has stayed with me for years. It’s replayed in my mind countless times, before uncomfortable conversations, during moves, career changes, relationship turmoil, the pandemic, and now almost daily when I regretfully read the news. Each time those words echo back, I feel an internal shift from defeat to empowerment—a reminder that I always have a choice and I'm never powerless.
Anything outside of your comfort zone, routine, or expectations will involve some level of discomfort. But that discomfort is the very thing that forces you to grow. It challenges your thinking, stretches your limits, and shapes you into a stronger, more resilient version of yourself.
The next time you're facing something uncomfortable, ask yourself: What do I want on the other side of this? Then get comfortable being uncomfortable and take action. Your future self will thank you.
You Need to Be Fiercely Committed to Your Authenticity and Purpose
What do you believe in? What do you support? Conversely, what do you stand against? What are your values? What is your purpose? Most people are so swept away in the flurry of life that they never sit with themselves—deeply and independently—to explore these questions. Instead, they let family pressures, employers, social media validation, their inherited religion, or societal norms gradually shape them. Conforming to our environments isn’t something we consciously choose—it's instinctual.
Rhesus monkeys—who share 93% of human genes—form complex social groups, which creates a demand for members to synchronize their behavior with the troop. Monkeys that can't adjust to the group's demands struggle to thrive. A lot of what we do on autopilot comes from this same pre-downloaded survival hardware. But as humans, we have the ability to question, disrupt, and carve our own paths. I'd argue that, today, our survival relies more on the outliers than those who auto-synchronize.
When you look to external factors to build internally, you outsource your self-worth and forfeit your authenticity. The key to staying rooted in your authenticity is recognizing when your thoughts or actions start pulling you away from the person you want to be. When that happens, bring yourself back to center—grounded in your authenticity—where you can take aligned actions that support your purpose.
Without Resilience, You Won't Get Far
There was a period in my life that was especially difficult—I was literally scheduling time during the day to cry. No joke. I needed space to process what was happening in my life, but I also had responsibilities that couldn't wait for me to “get my shit together.”
No one can build your resilience for you, but the second you decide you're willing to withstand some discomfort, you're on your way to building it. Tough times are inevitable. Instead of getting stuck feeling sorry for yourself, remember there are people in this world struggling in ways you couldn't possibly comprehend. When life gets tough, get tougher. Change what you can to ease your path, accept what you cannot change, and find what you need to healthily regain balance so you can keep moving forward. Something I often ask myself and the people I work with is: "Is this helping you get to where you want to go or is it keeping you from getting there?" That one simple question usually helps provide direction even in the most chaotic times.
Resilience is moving forward despite fear, pain, criticism, worry, or loneliness. Every time you choose to keep going, you're not just moving forward, you're also investing in your resilience stock by building wealth you'll draw from in the future. Let every hard moment be an opportunity to expand and evolve on the path to becoming the person you’re intentionally building.
Your Tribe Might Change—Let It
When you're making a big change, protect your energy from those who don't seem invested or on your side. You don't need to get angry or create confrontation. Instead, recognize those who lean in with genuine support and open up more to them. Know who you can share your successes and struggles with and minimize sharing with others. This protects your energy from disappointment or negativity that could disrupt your flow.
Look to the people who are not threatened by your choices or success but inspired by it. Seek out those who truly want to see you win and cherish them—they are the treasures along your path, they are your tribe. You'll get a sense for those who listen without judgment and support without jealousy.
Creating these close connections is invaluable. These people don't just support from a distance—they lean in, offering honest feedback, encouragement, and public support. Express your gratitude for these connections and strive to be the same powerful force in return.
A Personal Note Before You Go
When I decided to transition from the insurance industry (an industry I felt like I grew up with and am so grateful for) to become a coach, I experienced incredible fear. I was afraid of so many things, but mostly, I was afraid of what my network would say. Looking back now, that fear feels almost silly. Why would I allow fear of what others might think hold me back from perusing what I want in my own career? But at the time, the fear was real. It was loud, and it was hard to ignore.
Had I allowed that fear to hijack my decision, I would have accepted the next opportunity with my current company or one of the other offers I had within the industry—I wouldn’t be writing this to you today. I wouldn’t have the privilege of feeling more connected to my work and myself than ever before, nor would I have had the honor of working with the incredible people I have so far. I would have let fear hold me back from having the chance to experience these things. I would still be waking up every day wishing I was coaching.
People are going to gossip and judge—let them. Be open to any helpful criticism that makes its way to you, but remember criticism is only helpful if it's actionable. If it's not actionable, it's just noise from bored or unkind people. Shake those haters off.
Choosing courage and creating a life on your own terms doesn’t guarantee perfection, and it doesn’t guarantee you won’t have regret. But regret over the chances you've taken leaves you with lessons learned and more stock in your resilience bank—fuel to help you continue to expand. Regret over the chances you wanted to take but didn't? That's the kind of regret that lingers. It's heavy, hollow, and keeps you stuck.
Lean into fear. Trust your instincts. Move toward your purpose. And as I say to the people I love: Get out there and be the best you, you can be.
—Shannon Stein
